Beautiful Failure

I am a failure.

My life is full of failure. Even I tried my best I guess it wasn’t good enough.
2008, I took the licensure exam but I failed and I thought my life would end in an exam. I failed and I am a failure.

I am not…

I gain my confidence again and reviewed in a review center. I took the exam and now I am a professional licensed nurse.

I am a failure…

It’s been so many months and I still haven’t got a good job. I am losing hope, I prayed, I kneeled for me to have a job but still, I am jobless. I failed and I am a failure.

I am not…

2011, I had work and I said to myself God didn’t forget me. My time has come to prove that I am the best nurse. I work for two years and I became a real nurse.

I am a failure…

I thought life in another country will be the best choice after my work in the hospital but life is so playful my visa was expired the day before I will leave my country. And what makes things worse I was already inside the airport knowing I cannot use my visa. I cried. I rant. I got mad. I stop praying. But I pray again because life must go on even I failed and I am a failure.

I am not.

If I left the country I wouldn’t be able to go down under and maybe this is the reason why my visa was expired. Happiness after sadness.

I am a failure.

I don’t have much something to tell in my love story. Because they are not worthy to tell. My heart was broken already before I say ‘I love you’. I have been falling to a wrong person so many times and I ended up alone. I failed and I am a failure.

I am not.

I met him. I met the guy whom I can I trust my heart but things are slow for him so I needed to wait until one day we are committed and made my status from ‘single’ to ‘complicated’ to ‘in a relationship’. And hoping one day to get ‘married’

I am a failure.

I was trained as a nurse in a tertiary hospital and it was very a wonderful 2015 but then life is so ironic. Only 15 nurses are needed and I am on the 16th. What a life. I lose hope again. I cried. I rant. But I didn’t blame anyone and I didn’t stop praying. So I tried my best again to move on but in a different direction. Maybe hospitals aren’t just for me. As I accepted my failure. I failed and I am a failure.

I am not.

They called and they want me in. Again I will work in the hospital. Today I will start my day as a General Nurse Unit and maybe someday I may be a specialized nurse.

I am a failure. Yes! But a beautiful failure. I may have been lots of failures in my life but there are always the best reasons why those failures are happening to me.

I am a failure and I accept it with all my heart. Because from there I learned how to stand up. I gained good lessons and confidence. I become stronger. And most of all I know how to keep moving forward. And for that, I can say
I am a failure. A beautiful failure.
@3!
8.18.15.7:47pm

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